Choosing the right respite care for someone with dementia

Dementia care isn’t generic care. The wrong caregiver can leave a person more agitated, more disoriented, and more isolated than before they walked in the door. The right one can give a family back their evenings.

The questions that matter

When you call an agency, ask these four things and listen carefully to how they answer:

1. How many hours of dementia-specific training do your caregivers have, and what curriculum? A confident, specific answer (e.g. “24 hours, Teepa Snow Positive Approach”) is a green flag. “All our caregivers are trained” is not.
2. How do you handle a sundowning episode? The answer should mention reducing stimulation, validating feelings, redirecting — not “we try to keep them calm.”
3. What’s your caregiver turnover rate? Someone with dementia depends on familiarity. If the agency rotates through five different people in a month, that’s a problem you’ll feel within two weeks.
4. Can we meet the caregiver before they start? A no, or a vague answer, is a flag.

Warning signs in the first two weeks

Watch for: increased agitation in late afternoon, refusal of food the caregiver prepared, your parent calling the caregiver by the wrong name and the caregiver not gently correcting, or any tightness around the wrists. Trust your instinct. Ask for a different match. Good agencies expect this.

What “good” looks like

The right caregiver narrates softly. “I’m going to help you put on your sweater now, Mrs. Howard. The blue one you like.” They don’t quiz. They don’t argue with the false belief that it’s 1987. They sit at eye level. They leave the room a little tidier than they found it.